Renewing My Vows (with this blog)

Ok, wow! So it’s been forever. I made it all the way to 2012 and beyond before any new blog posts. I’m ashamed. But I will not look back in regret. I will not dwell on the past. I vow to blog on more than an annual basis. This is my promise to you.

Speaking of vows, while I was browsing my daily gossip sites, I saw headlines about various celebrities and their vow renewals.  I asked myself, what’s the point of renewing wedding vows especially when you've only been married a couple of years? Country singer (can you still call her that?) Leann Rimes and D-list actor Eddie Cibrian reportedly celebrated their one-year anniversary by renewing their vows. In Paris, Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon just renewed their vows for a fourth time.

What changes in a year to where you feel you need to repeat pretty much what you said a year ago? Does it make the marriage stronger? Is it setting the tone for the next year of marriage? Maybe, but Seal and Heidi Klum renewed their vows six times, the last one being in May 2011. Look where it got them? 

Question: Do you register for vow renewals? That Gucci china sauce boat was so last year. Time for an upgrade so let’s throw a vow renewal.

Maybe celebrities look at vow renewals as a milestone that their marriage simply outlasted their expectations. I guess in the celebrity world, any marriage that lasts more than 72 days is a good reason to celebrate. I didn’t hear about the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge (that’s Will and Kate for you commoners) renewing their vows or throwing a royal star-studded bash to celebrate their first anniversary. Instead, it is reported that they went to a wedding and then had a low-key night in their cottage. How quaint.

As I look back at two years of marriage, I think about the vows I said in front of our close friends and family. Derrick and I said we would stick together through sickness and health, prosperity and financial struggles, good times and bad. I will love and be with him until death separates us. All of that still holds true today, tomorrow and forever as far as I’m concerned.

I’m not bashing vowel renewals. Couples, you do what you need to do keep the romance alive and I’m all for celebrating. I just always thought renewal ceremonies were reserved for marriages that have lasted five years or more or if you’re trying to rebuild your relationship by reaffirming your commitment to each other.

Regardless, couples are free to do whatever they want. If they want to renew their vows, more power to them. I just hope each time they do it, it actually means something and two months later we aren’t hearing about their nasty divorce and who will get the Versace china in the settlement.

In the meantime, I’m looking forward to celebrating my two-year anniversary in the lowest key we know how: a nice dinner, some good conversation and maybe a little Call of Duty on the Xbox … and I vow to enjoy every minute of it!

What do you think of vow renewals after a couple of years of marriage?

Happy Engagement Day

Two years ago, a very nervous Derrick and a very cute nephew of mine changed my life. On October 18, 2008, two years to the day after we met, Derrick asked me to marry him. I remember being in a horrible mood that day because Derrick was out late with his friends the night before and I was stuck at home cleaning and preparing for his sister to be in town. I don't recall Derrick acting weird or anything. I was probably too irritated to notice. As it turned out, he was out late with friends making the final arrangements for the proposal. And he was a nervous wreck the day of. Needless to say, I felt kind of bad for my attitude afterward.

When Derrick's sister and brother-in-law finally pulled up, Derrick said he would go down and meet them. This was not unusual since the apartment we were in had secure entries and guests had to be buzzed in. When he came back up, he knocked on the door. That wasn't unusual either. The door always stayed locked and he may have not taken his key. I've locked myself out of that apartment a few times back in the day.

I opened the door and my nephew was standing there with a piece of paper. He handed me the paper and as I tried to make out what it was, Derrick got down on his knee. The paper turned out to be the sign-in sheet I used when I first interviewed at the job we ended up working at together. That interview was how we first met. There was my name and the date of October 18. When I finally looked up from the paper, I saw Derrick holding out a ring. In a shaky voice, he asked me to marry him. So what did I do? What any girl would do when her boyfriend asked her to be his forever. I ran to the bedroom and cried.

I'm sure Derrick was confused. But I was just so excited and shocked and surprised that I just ran. A few minutes later I came back out and said "yes." Later, we all went out to dinner to celebrate and I begin planning what would turn out to be one of the best days of my life. It's crazy to think that we've been married for almost six months. This time last year, I kept telling myself we'd be married in almost six months. Those six months felt like forever, but these six months have flown by.

I'm excited for the next six months and the years to come. Happy Engagement Day, hun!

Photo by Rebecca Peters of Rebecca Peters Photography

First Day of Summer

I am officially embarrassed. I was such a dutiful blogger when I was planning our wedding. Now that it's over, I've pretty much abandoned my poor blog. In an effort to breath a little life into it, I decided to change the layout and brighten it up a bit. Perhaps that will motivate me to keep it up.

Believe it or not, I did write something for our one month anniversary, I just failed to publish it for some reason. It was about lessons I've learned during my first month of marriage. I can't believe almost closing out month number two. Below is what they were and they all still apply to this day.

Lesson 1: It's Okay to Be Ambitious, Until Reality Sets In

The Monday after we returned from Jamaica, I took the day off to take care of changing my name and other business. With all my new cookbooks, utensils and other goodies, I decided it was a good idea to plan our meals for the week. I began writing everything down, going to the store to get exactly what I needed instead of what we thought tasted good at the moment and even kept a little calendar on the fridge so my other half would know what was on the menu for that night. I was a newlywed warrior--coming home from work and heading straight to the kitchen. While dinner was cooking, I'd do other things around the house like straighten up, catch up on laundry or work on thank you notes. That lasted about two weeks. Lately, I've been slacking. The first night I didn't have a meal prepared, Derrick was shocked and appalled. Reality had set in. The luster of being a new wife was starting to wear off and wear me out. I still do most of the cooking, but unfortunately, I can't keep up with the hectic meal planning at this time. Maybe I'll get back into it once we get more settled in.

Lesson 2: The Name Change Game--Cute at First, but a Pain in the Rear End

So that Monday I took off work to get my name changed turned into quite a stressful one. Before I could do anything, I had to visit the Social Security office. It was pouring rain and as it turned out, the office's computers were down so they couldn't process anything. I filled out some paperwork and thought it might be nice to make my maiden name my middle name. No can do in Kansas. Apparently, I'd have to go through a big to do legal name change that would probably cost a lot of time and a lot of money. You may wonder why I would like to keep my maiden name somewhere and somehow. Well, I'm an only child and my parents didn't have a son to carry on the name. So here I am. I've had my maiden name for 30 years. I've grown accustomed to it. It fits me and I wanted to keep it in some way or another.

Despite everything, I am starting to get used to my new name. I had to change it at the bank and and at work, both of which was quite the process. Sometimes I forget to sign with my married name. I get confused. Maybe in a year everything will be squared away. Until then, I guess I'll have a double identity.

Lesson 3: Face It, He's Never Worn a Ring Before so it Takes Some Getting Used To

I've had to get used to the fact that my husband is not used to wearing a ring. He is always playing with it, complaining that it's loose or tapping it on the table. It irks me, but I understand. He's got this new thing practically attached to him. I've had a year and half to get used to wearing my ring. He's had a month (now almost two). He's a guy. I know it will take some time. We will have to work on him not leaving it on the kitchen counter where it could just roll off into the garbage disposal never to be seen again.

Lesson 4: Moms are Great Before the Wedding. They are Even Better After the Wedding

What a difference a wedding makes. My mom and I butted heads so many times planning the wedding. She wanted one thing and I wanted another. We had some pretty rough moments. But the day of the wedding and ever since then my mom has been great. She's cheerful, doesn't seem as stressed and just pleasant to be around. Not that she wasn't pleasant before. She was just under a lot of pressure I suppose. She had a daughter who really wasn't all that into wedding planning. I mean, what mom wants a daughter like that? But I have a feeling that our relationship will continue to get stronger as the weeks go by. I'm especially looking forward to espresso the first Saturday of every month.

Lesson 5: Married Life is a Blast

I know marriage is hard work. I can't say the past month has been all sunshine and lollipops, but it has been fun. It's surreal to call each other husband and wife. When we walk down the street or in a store, I know he's not my boyfriend or my fiancé, but he's my husband. The other day he said he loved hanging out with his best friend in the whole world--me.

We've had our moments during our first month of marriage, but I would do it all over again if it meant I still got to spend the rest of my life with him. He's an amazing person, a great friend and the best husband in the world. I can't wait for this next month of marriage and all the months to come.